is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
