The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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