i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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