This girl is more easily done than said...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
