why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
