My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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