i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
