just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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