There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
