I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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