Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
