Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
there is puke in my bra ... again
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
