btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
