why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
false alarm, still single
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