Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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