Will you blow on my dice?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
