My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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