you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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