Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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