It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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