Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
