Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize