Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
