I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
