Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
