winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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