there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
