you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize