4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
