just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
