Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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