Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
