this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
