allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
