I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
