Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
