I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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