how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
