Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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