Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i think my cat just said my name.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
