All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
