Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize