her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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