You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
