Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
