i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
