wat bout pragnant strippers??
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. đ
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick âmy pegasusâ weâre not friends anymore
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