And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
