Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
