I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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