they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
