finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize