Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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