you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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