i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
