i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize