You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
