Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
