i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
