Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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