Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We're facebook friends in real life
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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