So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
