I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
