yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I will be naked everywhere
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Let's get the cat blown out
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
