When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
