i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
