I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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