i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
