She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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