I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
