sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
