Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
