Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
