the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
