OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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