the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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