wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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