who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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