then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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