I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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