He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
