No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
