he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
