Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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