i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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