I'm going to jail i love you
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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