he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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