U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
50% drunk capacity currently
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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