Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
