im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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