All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
