I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
