Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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