Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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